Friday, September 17, 2010

Karl Rove is a changed man...and I have the evidence to prove it!

I haven't done a political post lately so I thought I'd do one now, coming off this weeks primaries.  I've tried to back off somewhat recently, because, to some of my readers (thanks to the Faithful Four), these political rants and bitch and moan sessions might seem a bit tedious, obnoxious and repetitive.  Me going on and on about the Dick Cheney's of this war torn world, or the Bush's of some other worlds where The Special Olympics show more courage and less falling down, and the Rush's of the Weight Watchers World.

But this week something so heinous, so unexpected happened in the world of politics that I have to say something.  I have to communicate the horror that is abound, that in fact, at least where I come from, in my world, the apocalypse is upon us.


Let me explain, for those who were watching Americas Got Talent rather than election coverage on CNN. (Truth is I was watching Family Guy re-runs, but I know how to Google results (and porn).).

On, Tuesday, in Delaware, the primaries for the senate seat, previously held by potty mouth VP Joe Biden were held. The Republicans had Mike Castle and Christine O'Donnell going head to head, with Mike being the clear favorite due to him being a former governor and having held a long term position in the Delawares House of Representatives, and who is considered well liked. *note from editor - The author is making this up. He really doesn't know if Mike is well liked, and the author is choosing to be lazy, deciding not to do any research, saying, and I quote, "Who the fuck cares if the asshamper is well liked. Doesn't move my story along if he does or doesn't pick daisies and places 'em on his dead grandmama's grave. Jesus, are you an idiot? Now go get me my Jack Daniels!"*  Oh, and another thing, Mike has a head that could be a 4H first prize winner for largest pumpkin at the state fair.  That's always a cool trait in my book!

On the other hand, Christine O'Donnell, who does indeed have a birth certificate proving that she is actually older than thirteen, is a certifiable whack job.  First off, she is against masturbation, saying the Bible equates it to adultery.  Hey Christine, you need to get laid!  Okay?  Then come to me and tell me finger wanking on yourself is the same as screwing the neighborhood grocery store bagger back in the loading dock area while your husband is at the magazine rack checking out the latest issue of Maxim.  She lied about a hanging diploma on her wall when in truth an Anne Geddes print hung there because she hadn't paid accrued college bills.

She reminds me of Jack coming through the bathroom door in the Shining.

So, of course, Christine O'Donnell won.  God bless politics in America.  Makes you wonder why the Iraqis don't want us helping them set up a democratic nation, huh?

Anyway, this isn't why the end is near.

This is why!


See, Karl Rove, the most despicable man in America, just behind Osama Bin Laden on the international level, and who ranks higher than Nick Nolte and Justin Bieber, deplores Christine O'Donnell.  He came out on Sean Hannity's show on the  Fox network  (who couldn't make the list of  most despicable people because they're a television station, and not a person, but I added them to my bar graph just to help you understand just how despicable these people really are) and said this.... 

"I'm for the Republican, but I'd still eat their babies.


Then he went on to say this... 

"I mean, there were a lot of nutty things she has been saying that just simply don't add up like not putting mayonnaise on scrumptious baby sandwiches..."

Uh, ya...Karl.  Remember this old commercial jingle..."Mound Almonds got nuts, Mounds don't..."  Nuts or no nuts, Karl, it's all the same in your case, buddy.

And this gem... 

"...but look, she attacked him by saying he had a homosexual relationship with a young aide with not a bit of evidence to prove it.  Besides, what kind of crazy bitch doesn't like a good old fashioned tater tot casserole, made with the leg of baby?"

Karl, wanting evidence?!  Hmmm...weird.  Hey, Karl, remember when you sat in on meetings with Bush and all your his cronies and decided that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction, even the U.N. was saying other wise?

And my favorite... 

" not event the characteristics of rectitude, truthfulness and sincerity and character that the voters are looking for...especially if the viporous piehole can't sit down with me to discuss bombing the bejesus out of Haiti over a steaming bowl of baby clam chowder!"
Rectitude?  Truthfulness?  Sincerity?  Character?  This is the same Karl Rove who was the right hand controller of the puppet that was the Bush Administration?

Now do you all see where I'm going here?  This is not the 'same' Karl Rove we've come to loathe.  This Karl Rove is disagreeing with Sean Hannity!  This Karl Rove is acting like a real person but I know better.  A ploy!  Keeps us confused, keeping our guards down, so he can finally morph into what I've been fearing the most.  The undead Karl Rove, with plans of world domination and destruction, where the only thing that will live will be cockroaches and the crazy, baby eating minion followers of this lunatic.

Run people!  Run for the hills, for the bunkers, to the tops of mountains...where ever you might have a chance against this baby brain eating monster, and when you get there, just know this.  He'll still probably find you!


  1. Personally, I wouldn't mind if we put them all on a plane and kicked them off over.. ohhh .. lets say Chernobyl... sans safe suit of course.

  2. Sigh. Where would we be as a country without Fox News?

  3. OK I already knew the end was near, because the 7th seal was broken when my 77 year old dad found one of my blogs and left a comment ( thank god he found the sort of nice one on an almost nice day). I warned you people, stock up on spam and bullets.
    I can't believe you don't have Mel Gibson on your chart? Were you afraid it would make Fox News look a little better? WTF Scuz you gotta go full discloser here, please include the octoturd and Mel Gibson on here or I just can't take your science for reals dude. Also, it's Almond Joy's got nuts, mounds don't.. They ran out of Mounds in DC a long long time ago, now it's just a Hunting Club for Rich Weirdos.