Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Criminal Intent: One Quarter at a Time

By no means am I an economist, nor a mathematical genius like Matt Damon in 'Good Will Hunting' but I want to tell you my theory on how to fix the economic upheaval, at least in my part of the world, but I'm betting it would work in your part of world also.

Crime baby! Good old fashioned criminal behavior.

Wait, wait, wait! Let me offer my reasoning.

I spent the better part of Monday in court, but before you start condemning me to the hanging gallows let me explain that I wasn't tried for rape, arson or the pillaging of any village. And while murder wasn't the charge either there were certain voices in my head telling me that wouldn't have be such a bad idea somewhere around the time the second hour ticked by on the clock that hung from the wall of the courtroom.

There were two intermissions. The first intermission was expected but the 'second' was due to a fire alarm. When the alarm went off, everyone safely and diligently filed out of the building, as adults have been trained since childhood to do, but what caught my attention was that not one judge, probation officer, prosecutor or copper seemed or looked surprised.

This didn't arouse suspicion til later on, about three hours after I had arrived for court, and about an hour after my parking meter must have expired. It really began looking like a crime when I opened my parking ticket and found a $15 'bonus' for spending the day in court.

Yee fucking haw!

With no one looking surprised by an unplanned 'fire', makes me believe that this, due to economic hardships by the city, is a way of making a buck off dumbass's such as myself. During either intermission, I could have ran down and plugged the meter, but not knowing how long each break would take, I chanced it and unfortunately for my unemployed ass, got nailed.

This is why I believe it was an 'officially unofficial planned intermission' and unless you're in the loop, well, it's just plain 'unplanned'.

Funny isn't it? How the city can't fill the damn'd potholes around town that become large enough to sail good size oil tankers across, but they can hire more and more parking meter officers.

So, having way, way, way too much time on my hands, and in the name of research, I traveled back downtown yesterday and what I saw was motorcycle meter men buzzing around, pissed off like a swarm of hornets. They were everywhere, slapping $15 tickets on cars parked minutes over the time limit. And if I saw them nab one car, then it may as well have been seven or thirty-three. Too many to count, couldn't keep up!

Thus, my economic relief theory, proven! Crime really does pay.

How 'bout them apples?

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