Friday, November 20, 2009

A spill of Biblical proportions!

I'm not a religious man, maybe thankful that I haven't been run down or pistol whipped by a jealous boyfriend, but not religious.  Maybe I should be but I'm just not.

Don't get me wrong.  I feel as if I'm a spiritual person, in the sense that I find myself lost in thought,  wondering, considering if there is a higher power.  But life is busy and gets in the way sometimes, like, say a re-run of Scrubs is about to begin, which in turn takes me onto that line of deep thinking.

I do dig religion though.  Great entertainment, and if nothing else, it gives convicted felons the perfect excuse for early release while sitting in front of the parole board.

My basic outlook is this.  Do good by others, good will be done upon thee, and if that doesn't work, well...pour sugar in their gas tank.  Just joking, but you know what I'm saying.  It just plain makes sense, right?  You treat others with respect and you'll see returns.

Course, it goes both ways.  If you choose to rape, pillage, murder or hunt for moose with a bow and arrow in the off season, well, an eye for eye, or death, whichever comes first!

Religion is out there, whether you like it or not.  It's everywhere...television, the newspaper, sometimes knocking at your front door or screaming fire and brimstone from atop a pulpit.    And why not?  That is the fundamental make-up of our great country.  That's why our forefathers traveled across the ocean and why they had to fight for their independence and why they had to eventually evict those snarky Brits, sending the snaggle toothed bastards back to where they belong!  Freedom of religion, the right to worship whomever or whatever one chooses.

Most worshipers throw on their finest Sunday duds, clip on the paisley tie, shine up there loafers and find their way to the local Presbyterian, Lutheran, LDS, or Jewish house of worship.  In the case of Scientologists they congregate at L. Ron Hubbard Peak in Colorado or someplace mountainous, strap on Nike's and drink purple Kool-Aid while mocking how short Tom Cruise is.  Okay, again, just kidding.  I'm probably getting my cults - science fiction religions mixed up and probably pushing my luck, but hey, I never claimed to be a theologist.

My biggest problem with religion is that some choose to prey on the pocketbooks of misguided and people of lost faith.

"Send us the title to your Airstream, Mr. Jenkins, and the promise of eternal life is yours!"

"Edith, the good Lord above is waiting for you, with a place at his dinner table, if only you write that check for $5,000!"

Makes me sick!

Well, it did, that is until this morning when it dawned on me what was really going on.  It wasn't about preying on the weak but about giving hope and opening the eyes of those without faith and belief.

This became apparent to me when I got home from my daily, early morning Starbucks for my Venti quad shot mocha.  What happened next tested my faith in religion, college basketball and the all mighty Super Big Gulp.

Getting out of the car, I bumped my head, lost a handle on the java and it tumbled to the ground.  Cursing, cussing and taking the lords name in vain, followed by hurtling insults at the young missionaries walking past, a glorious vision captured my eye.  From the point of the java explosion.

This is what I saw!  And if you look close enough, I promise not only will you see it, you'll also feel the power!

So, as of tomorrow, I'm taking tickets, $5 a piece, selling t-shirts and soda pop and with an additional donation to the First Church of Wells, you can have your picture taken with the Virgin Mary Mocha stain.

But get here early.  A bus load of pilgrims are scheduled at 11:00 A.M.

1 comment:

  1. As a Catholic, I don't see what you're seeing, don't think the Church would "ratify" it as a miracle...

    ...and am just thankful you left the Catholics out of this post. I mean, they've gotten enough bad press for the last...what...2,000-plus years?