Sunday, August 15, 2010

Defibrillating at Denny's - Bring Your Appetite

Check out this monstrosity of heart failure.  Denny's calls it their new Fried Cheese Melt sandwich.

I call it fuckin' awesome!

Inside this heavenly delight is deep fried mozzarella cheese sticks, smothered in cheese, probably deep fried, then covered in some sort of bread, toasted in lipo-fat, then finally deep fried in a vat of more fat.  And don't forget the dip, that seems to be a marinara sauce, but more than likely the contents of a sow's spleen, finely puree'd in a bowl.


Just looking at the picture doesn't give enough information to understand the magnitude of its Thorism, its gargantuanistic flavorings or its ability to withstand a direct hit from a Bible belt tornado.  This shit is huge!

Not wanting to sit around with a hunger burning in my belly, and certainly not wanting to  be the last on the block to run out and smother my nakedness order up one of these bad boys, I made a beelline for Denny's.

But then as I entered the local Denny's I was taken back by the color and I'm not talking about the art deco stylings that is Denny's.  Nor the trademarked recognizable, familiar and absolutely filthy hue that could only be a Denny's, but the color of mad.  Reason...the line of obese and senior citizen types, angry that the humongous meal, aka, the lead weight, and better known as the Fried Cheese sandwich, wasn't being offered for another couple of weeks.  If you've never seen a riot of super large people, pissed that the newest cardiac arrest, congealed together to look like food, wasn't available yet...well, just think Rodney King times six hundred pounds, minus police brutality.  Ugly!!!

No fears though...I will get my grubby little fingers on this desirable coronary artery disease some day.  I'll keep you posted.  Maybe I'll invite you all along to experience it with me.  We can get a table at the back, shmooze up old Flo, smoke us a cigarette and eat us some heart disease.

Hell, you bring the defibrillator and I'll pick up the bill.


  1. Do they have nitro tablets in the desert section on the senior menu? I am just saying that could be a marketing win for Denny's.

    ( wierd my captcha is moesesxu.. are you hitting on me? or is the sandwich that good? )

  2. I really hate the fact I want to eat that. You know, the meat, meat, meat sandwiches I could pass on. This? I want.

  3. Sweet Jumping Jellybeans! Just looking at that shit gives me the ajada.

  4. Libby - more cheese, always!

    Holly - ajada and lactose intolerant stomach monkeys....

    Oh...and Peachy1 - yes, huh?, you betcha and don't know yet...