Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Heavenly Haggis

Ah...it's that time again.  The day that you've all grown to love, anticipate and feel so passionately about that you run out and organize Million Men marches.  I do love you all so!

Anyway and yup, today is the day I hand out The Haggis Award!

Before I do, let me tell you that this is harder than I would have ever imagined.  As I found out this week, there are a lot of buttnuggets out there that deserve this, some more than others, some that should already be in the Haggis Hall of Fame.

But, I need to feed the frenzy, so here goes.

Yes sir, this is what I saw as I was on my way to work the other day.  Couldn't help it.  It was so close to my front windshield that I'm sure I could have licked the uncaffeinated bug goop off his spare tire.  The heathenly one flew past me, pulled in front of my vehicle, nearly clipping my front end and continued swerving in and out of traffic like a bat out of hell.  This all took place after running a red light, from behind, in my rearview mirror.

Oh, did I mention he was driving one of these?

Yes, that's correct.  Twenty-four tons of steel and rubber and hi def TV on wheels of leisure fury.  The bastard had somewhere to go, in a real big hurry, that seemed to be of more importance than where I was heading.

And, yes, I'm going out on a limb in my belief that this guy was probably on vacation, driving toward the beach/camp sight/summer vacation home/boat slip/or quite possibly he was late for his two year mission to Lake Couer d' Alene.  Regardless, I was not amused.

Downright pissed really.  Had I been able to catch this Mormon road rager, I would have given him a piece of my mind.  Shoot...I might have told him the one about Joseph Smith walking into a bar...

But...maybe not.  Considering that the probability of me making it into heaven is about as likely as winning the Utah state lottery, quite possibly I would have taken the high road and found it my heart to forgive him.  Who knows.  Maybe he would let me stow away, hidden in his cramped traveling toilet, allowing me to slip right past old St. Peter at the pearly gates.

Uh, ya...not likely, so The Haggis Award! goes out to this high speed holy roller.  If I could only catch him.


  1. Yeahy for the haggis award... not so much for the other stuff.

  2. You should totally inject caffine and crack in the haggis before you give it to the Mormons. I mean you know, just for fun. Then take away their sacred underwear while they are skinny dipping and steal their cousin brides and show them movies. Woo hooo !!

  3. Fun post. There are way too many morons in this world. Waaaaaay too many.