Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Rambling Man

Working off my most recent blog activity, only a day later, I will continue to the next, so as to keep my fingers moving, my brain churning and hopefully the ideas a flowing like the ice cream fountain at Old Country Buffet. Fast, fast, fast...that is what I want on this post. The sole purpose is to just quickly and at times, effectively, write whatever comes to mind before you all get cantankerous with me or it truly sounds like rubbish. Hopefully neither happens but I suspect it will be a photo finish.

It will be like a journal of jumbled thoughts, ideas, my where abouts during the day. Whatever comes to mind. No matter how small, uneventful, treacherous, ugly or boring to the follower, but a practice in conditioning my brain to keep moving, so as not to get lost in the fog of listlessness.

Let me start.

Talked to the remote control guy, on the phone, from Phillips today. Bought a universal remote a week ago but couldn't get it to work then, and still can't. Now, when I say that I talked to him, what I really mean is that I ended the conversation by yelling, screaming, pounding my head against the wall like a toddler and came damn near close to tossing myself off the the nine and half foot deck of the house. All because I don't fricken speak Istanbulese, Pakastanese, or Jibberishese. I may not always have proper pronunciation but I don't confuse and replace the word 'AND' with 'COW'!

Bernie Madoff is likely to be the biggest seller of the Halloween season. A mask that is. Two things. First, I bet the scum sucking pig wishes he'd had one of these at the time he ripped off the thousands of people of billions of dollars. He might have Made Off (get it?) with all the loot before being sent up the river for the next 150 years or so, before anyone realize he was the one actually under that piece of rubber. Don't worry Bernie, you should be out to see your great grandkids graduate. Not! Secondly, what kid is gonna know who the hell Bernie Madoff is anyway? Good riddance, Bernie, you little f@$k weasel.

Must have coffee! Be right back.

I'm back from Starbucks. Sorry! My plan was to write for a constant hour then send this off to the editor but my quad shot stood in the way.

I concluded three things on the way to get coffee though. Let me divulge. First, it's colder than the Swiss Alps and people are still wearing cargo shorts! Stop it, ok? I believe this is how, and I'm probably wrong, Swine flu is spread. Next, the lights on the South Hill here in good old Spokane are synch'd and actually stay green so it's easy to get from place to place without much delay. This leads me to my last observation. I'm thinking that this is the reason the crime rate is so low up here, and not because of the money associated or the altitude. Think about it. If you don't stop for a red light every four or five blocks as you have to in north Spokane then don't the chances of being carjacked go down. I'm onto something here. I just may run for County Commissioner. I've been meaning to square off with Al French anyway.

What else?

Music. Monsters of Folk, super cool! Can't get enough of Mr. Conar Oberst. Why the hell have I been missing out on My Morning Jacket and the Avett Brothers? And the Beatles! Ok, every media outlet is covering these guys, whether radio, re-mixed and re-mastered CD's or video games, but let's face it. The coolest!!! Been a fan forever and don't see that changing any time soon.

A joke. What would it take to reunite the Beatles? Well, used to be three more bullets but...well anyway, I'll stop.

I had my girlfriend recently tell me that because of her bad back that she hurt in a car accident years ago, she can forecast snow. Well, I have news for you sister. I have this big toe that I busted last year that twitches when the the Family Guy is ready to begin. Ya, I have no idea either, so please don't ask.

It's October and that can mean only one thing. Baseball. The big news about our American pastime is that both L.A. teams have moved on to the the Championship Series. Who gives a crap!

Help me figure this out. Two cars stop in the middle of a busy intersection in Spokane, all the men jump out of their cars and fisticuffs ensue. One man, I'll call him Mr. Dipshit because I don't see any other name that would be as fitting, is promptly run over by a passing car. First off I have to say to Mr. Dipshit, HA HA HA HA!!!! I still can't stop laughing since reading that on Sunday. But what really chaps my ass is that no charges, arrests, tickets or tasering took place. A cow roams onto the freeway and our finest, the Spokane County Sheriffs Department taser that sucker till it's medium rare, and nothing happens to these idiots. Hell, if they ALL got run over I can see that justice was served, but only the one? Come on coppers, you can do better than that!

Okay, I'm now pushing two hours and seventeen minutes and I wanted to finish up much quicker than that so I'm going to shove off, but if I offended anyone in the least bit, please submit comments, concerns, or complaints to my local HR and I'll be sure to get back to as soon as possible.

Lastly, before I go, just a heads up. My big toe is twitching.

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