Saturday, October 17, 2009


I am enthralled with tasers! You might all have noticed I've referenced this wonderful weapon of mass electric destruction more than once before. So I don't know why but ain't they cool?! And I live in just the place where I can enjoy my insatiable thirst for 'em!

Spokane! The taser capital of the world. This part of the country used to be known for the Aryans but no longer. What we really like in the Pacific Northwest is to see a helpless thug, bankrobber, disabled person or Red Angus frying from the inside out!

Which leads to my favorite story. I'm going to dissect this one porter steak at a time so as to illustrate what down for you all.

Seems a poor cow wandered out on to I-90 and instead of listening the cops to "Get down on, get down on the ground NOW!!!"

This just confused the bovine, so he continued chomping on his cud and swatting flies off his ass.

"Don't make me say it again! GET DOWN, NOW!!!"

When the cow resisted, the police officers pulled out their tasers, aimed, and with the training they received over a six or seven week course, proceed to jolt the unassuming cow. Not once, not twice, not even three times, but 'again and again' til the animal died.

Yowza!!! Good fun, baby!

This is just the first time I can remember, this tasering epidemic, but I'll be damn'd if I want it to go away anytime soon.

Don't get me wrong. This would be extremely scary, that is if, woman or child were runnin' around with 50,000 Volts of packaged electricity in their back pocket. But, this isn't the case. Truth is, it's the faithful, protectors of the peace, the men and women in blue, the coppers, fuzz and our very own Spokompton Police Department.

Love those guys!

Now we don't have a trademark on tasers here. We don't, but at the last city council meeting there was a vote and the chance to put a sign entering Spokane proclaiming:

Heck Ya, We'll Tase You if You'll Just Sit Still Long 'Nough!

The vote missed passing by one vote because Council Member Al French was on a ride along with the SPD, casing out Doug Clark's home. He was doing so in hopes that he'd get the chance to use his newly learned 'taser skills' on the Spokesman-Reviews columnist and most boisterous proponent of the cops and the council.

Got to love Al's desire to learn a new craft and hand down the long arm of the law himself.

Now, don't be thinkin' that Spokane is only known for the taser. We have other notable attributes. We have Bloomsday, John Stockton and a rusty old metal, garbage eating goat.

Oh, and the world's largest Radio Flyer!!!

But we do love the taser. And yes, maybe it's used elsewhere to keep the peace like the crotchety old grandma in Texas that got herself zapped because she wouldn't sign her speeding ticket. But you know what? We aren't gonna take a 72 year old grandma's in Texas trying to take the attention away from our great city up here, away from her sweltering heat. We have all the heat we can handled, supplied by our faithful men in badges!

1 comment:

  1. It may be a great place to be tasered, but I hope I never find out, especially after they killed that cow. I don't want to be their next victim :) <-- no, really.