International Olympic Snob Committee

I don't care about the Winter Olympics.  I'd rather spend my time plucking ear hair or thrusting myself in front of a large vehicle, maybe a runaway snow plow or a Zamboni with spinning spikes protruding from the wheels and flame throwers mounted where their should be headlights.  Of course, if they made that an Olympic event, you know I'd be the first one lining up for tickets.  Kind of like Mad Max on ice.

My disdain of the Olympics could be that I'm not a winter person.  I was born in Spokane, raised in Spokane, and since I, sarcastically put, love this place so much, I'm sure I'm gonna die in this god forsaken town.  And since we 'experience' the four seasons, including the one where my annoyance of skin piercing wind is followed shortly by huge amounts of frozen precipitation accompanied by thirty-two car pile ups on I-90, I have to ask, what's not to like about the long, cold months that make up winter?

Lo and behold, there is something to bitch about discuss about the Winter Olympics.

A couple different things really, but both concerning the same groups of people, and I am not talking about the top two seeded women lingerie hockey teams slap shottin' a tightly rolled up brasserie and wrestling around, throwing girl punches in the middle of the ice (although I'd be lying if I was to say I wouldn't pay good money to see that as well).

No, what I'm talking about is the jerks that 'run' the Olympics.  All politics and complete buffoonery, god love their high falutin ass's!

First off, did you know that women can't participate in ski jumping?  It's true.  And the reason, you're asking?  Well, the International Olympic Committee declared that  "Women's Ski Jumping does not reach the necessary technical criteria and as such does not yet warrant a place alongside other Olympic events."  Course my favorite reasoning is by Gian Franco Kasper, FIS president and a member of the IOC.  In 2005 said that he didn't think women should ski jump because the sport "seems not to be appropriate for ladies from a medical point of view."

Har!!!  Are you kidding me?  Have you seen those women athletes flipping, jiggling, bouncing and jouncing down the  moguls?  If a woman doesn't rattle her uterus loose after that, then I have to believe ski jumping is pretty safe.Then, as if you need to be reminded, Nodar Kumaritashvili, the Georgian luger who was tragically killed.  Horrible.  Though he knew the risks, there has to be regulations and safety 'nets' in place so this doesn't happen again.  So, that being said, and in the most bloated, pretenious and down right fucked-up grandiloquent speech they could muster, the IOC and the International Luge Federation declared there were "errors" on the luger's part and “The technical officials of the FIL were able to retrace the path of the athlete and concluded there was no indication that the accident was caused by deficiencies in the track.”

Strange since the very next day they re-shaped the track and placed the participants lower to slow it down and added a wood 'wall' where Nodar Kumaritashvili was violently killed.

Okay, I understand my attitude isn't in the 'spirit' of the Olympics but I just don't get it.  Probably never will, and maybe it has to do with sports taking place in high altitudes and inside rinks where the men wear sequin costumes.  Maybe it depresses me, the weather, the cold, all the pot holes and oily slush.

Or maybe it's the daft assholes who, with Cuban cigars puckered up to their fat jowls and sipping their Bladnoch single malt scotch, make all the decisions for these athletes that train all their lives for these few fleeting moments.